Point Blank, No
- Kirsty Heap
Point Blank, No: What Happened When My Dyslexia Strategies Were Taken Away
“Do you want to carry on?”
“No.”
Point blank, no.
That was me. A confident, experienced coach who works with neurodivergent people every day, refusing to continue a research assessment. I want to tell you why, because what happened in that moment taught me something every manager, HR professional and neurodivergent person needs to hear.
Why I said yes to the research
I recently took part in a research project at the University of Bath. The team is developing a screening tool for Developmental Language Disorder (DLD) in adults, and I was invited because of my dyslexia.
I knew nothing about DLD before I signed up. I chose not to read up on it, as I wanted to go in with a raw, honest view. What I did know was that I wanted to help create more knowledge and understanding of neurodivergent minds. Research like this shapes the support people receive, and that matters deeply to me.
I was happy to share my dyslexia diagnostic report. Research like this needs confirmed diagnoses so the findings are accurate, and the more of us who take part, the stronger the evidence becomes for better screening and support. Sharing it also felt like a small way of showing that a diagnosis is nothing to hide.
I am comfortable with my dyslexia. I also knew some of the tasks would make me feel uncomfortable, and I went in prepared for that. What I did not expect was how much my personality would change.
What happened when my strategies were taken away
The first part of the assessment was easy. We talked about my background and my career. The researcher was warm and friendly, and I was happy to chat.
Then we moved on to the tasks.
Some involved reading made-up words. I cannot do phonics, and reading words that are not words feels completely illogical to me. I understand why it is used in research, but that does not make it any less frustrating when you simply cannot access it.
Others involved listening to short passages and answering questions about them. I could not see the words, and I could not take notes.
Normally, I would:
- Read the questions first, so I know what I am looking for
- Highlight information as I go
- Make notes alongside the text
- Have the words in front of me, so I can go back and reflect
All of that was gone. Every one of my go-to strategies had been removed. That was exactly the point of the research. I knew it was coming. What surprised me was how quickly it changed me.
That is empowerment.
I watched this same shift happen with a client who is a salesperson with ADHD. For years, they believed they were not cut out for sales because they struggled with the quoting side of the role. They could pitch brilliantly – their ADHD brain was made for that kind of dynamic, responsive, high-energy conversation. But the admin, the follow-up, the detail work? It drained them completely.
Instead of trying to fix their ADHD to fit a traditional sales role, we approached it differently. We had a conversation with their manager about pairing them with a colleague who excelled at administration but found the pitching side uncomfortable. The salesperson with ADHD focused entirely on what they were brilliant at – building rapport, delivering pitches, reading the room. Their colleague handled the quotes, the logistics, the detail work. Within weeks, both of them were at the top of the sales table. The organisation won. They both won.
That is what happens when you stop trying to fit the mould and start working with how you are actually wired.
When my personality changed
My muscles tensed. My voice became firmer. I felt as though someone was trying to trick me and trip me up, so I went on high alert.
I knew the researcher was not judging me. In that moment, though, I felt judged, and in a negative way.
My inner critic got very loud:
- Why did you sign up for this?
- Why are you putting yourself through this?
- Do you not remember what this felt like?
Then my behaviour changed. I became prickly. I became facetious. My answers got shorter. When I was asked to read a paragraph aloud, I asked whether I was allowed my screen tint, already assuming the answer was no. I even felt the urge to quietly write notes. It was online, so who would know? I did not, but the urge was there.
After the second passage, the researcher asked if I wanted to continue. That was my point blank, no.
We talked. I really wanted the team to have all of the data they needed, and I was keen to be able to see the complete data for myself. So I carried on, and I felt a little calmer. I did better on the last two passages, and she asked whether that was because of our conversation. My honest answer was no. Those passages happened to link to my previous career. I was not retaining more of what I heard. I was drawing on knowledge I already had.
Many dyslexic people will recognise that. We often get by on what we already know, not on what is in front of us.
What I realised
Afterwards I went for a walk, as I always do, and shook it off. I felt sorry for the researcher, who got the brunt of my frustration. None of it was her fault. She was doing exactly what she needed to do. I was frustrated that I could not access the information, and she got the tone.
Then it clicked.
I am comfortable with my dyslexia because I have the right strategies and environment around me. That comfort did not come from nowhere. I worked hard to change how I think about my dyslexia, and just as hard to build the structures that support me.
Take those away, and I did not just become less productive. I became a different version of myself. I felt less than. I do not identify as disabled, yet in that moment the negative side of my dyslexia was all I could see.
Strategies are not a crutch. They are what allow me to show up as me.
What this means at work
I have spent many years in HR and Employee Relations, and I have seen this pattern time and time again:
- People with high absence
- People placed on performance management
- People labelled as having “an attitude”
- People who have been made fun of
- People who leave, moving from organisation to organisation in search of support that was never in place
I also see reasonable adjustments agreed and then not consistently kept in place. The employee is left to self-advocate, again and again. Self-advocacy takes guts. It means being vulnerable and courageous at the same time. Many of my clients reach a point where they ask, “What is the point?”
So when someone seems prickly, short or defensive, please pause before taking it at face value. It may not be a bad day or a bad attitude. It may be someone without the support they need, feeling exposed and vulnerable.
If you are a manager or in HR
In the moment:
- Keep it practical: “Shall we take a ten minute break?”
- Offer some control: “What would make this easier right now?”
- Do not name the behaviour while emotions are high, as it will land as criticism
Later, in a calmer space:
- Lead with care: “That meeting looked tough. How was it for you?”
- Focus on the situation, not the person: “I have noticed things seem harder when we work from long documents. Is that fair?”
- Get curious about patterns, such as certain tasks, formats or times of day
- Ask “What helps you do your best work?” rather than “What is wrong?”
- Check agreed adjustments are still in place, before the employee has to ask
Coaching can help too. Through an open three-way conversation at the start, a manager can share the themes they have noticed. The coach then explores them with the employee in a confidential, non-judgemental space, and the employee decides what, if anything, goes back.
If this is you
I get you. I hear you. I have been there, and it turns out I can still be there when my strategies are taken away.
If you have ever been seen as difficult when you were actually struggling, that does not make you difficult. It makes you human, and it means something in your environment needs to change.
A note on strengths
I shared one more reflection with the research team. It feels ironic, and honestly a little hurtful, that conversations about dyslexia and language difficulties so often come with written information that is not accessible to dyslexic people.
We also still focus heavily on what we cannot do. Many of us already carry lower self-esteem and a loud inner critic. Being met with a list of negatives does not help. We need to understand our strengths too.
The researcher did ask me about my strengths, and I was able to list many of them. She commented on how many I could name. To me, that shows the work I have done on myself. I can see my strengths, I know my frustration areas, and I have worked hard to find the strategies that support me with them.
Even so, I am glad I took part. That discomfort was for a greater good: better understanding, better screening and better support for the people who need it.
Let’s connect
If this resonates with you, I would love to hear from you.
- If you recognise yourself in this story, get in touch for a chat about coaching.
- If you are a manager or in HR, please share this with your people team, or contact me about coaching and training to support neurodivergent employees and the managers around them.
A little information on DLD, kindly provided by the research team:
DLD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the use and understanding of spoken language. Approximately 7% of the population have DLD, yet, very few people have heard of it. Some of the difficulties people with DLD have are similar to the difficulties Dyslexic people have. For example, difficulties holding on to spoken information can be hard for both groups of people. Also, approximately 50% of children with dyslexia also have Developmental Language Disorder (DLD), highlighting the substantial overlap between the two conditions. More research is needed to help unpick the two diagnoses. If you are worried about your use and understanding of spoken language, an assessment from a Speech and Language Therapist may be helpful.
To learn more about DLD, you can visit: RADLD – Raising Awareness of Developmental Language Disorder – RADLDÂ